The Value of Motherhood: How to stop saying you’re “just a mom”
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Have you ever had someone ask you what you do for a living, and you responded with something like, “Well… I’m just a mom”? Maybe you felt the need to justify your situation by explaining how many kids you have to raise or all the programs you volunteer for, as if you needed an excuse for not working.
I used to feel the same way when people asked me what my major in college was. I would say “Marriage and Family Studies” and then quickly add that I wasn’t just studying to be a mom—I planned to become a marriage and family therapist. Deep down, I feared people would assume I was only preparing for motherhood, and I wanted to prove I could contribute to the world beyond raising a family.
But do you see the problem with this? I was undermining the very thing that gives us life: motherhood. Over time, I began to realize that in trying to justify my role, I was failing to recognize the value of motherhood, a divine calling from God.
What is the Value of a Mother?
How do you measure the value of motherhood? Can you even say in words what it means for a child to have a mother who cares, nurtures, and guides them throughout life?
No amount of words, money, or fame can show the value of a mother. A mother creates life, sustains life, grows life, and sacrifices much of her own life to do it.
A mother helps her children to learn what it means to be a good person. A mother fulfills one of the greatest callings God has given to humankind: to take care of His precious children.
No matter what modern society may say about mothers, they are priceless. A world without mothers would be a world without life and love.
So how do we avoid under-valuing motherhood? How can we be confident in our roles as mothers, whether or not we are involved in other activities, programs, or hobbies?
I want to show you the value of motherhood by helping you recognize the lies we hear and exchange them for the truth.
Lies and Truths about the Value of Mothers
Lie #1: Becoming a mom means you have to give up on your dreams.
Many people see motherhood as restricting, time consuming, and painful. You don’t have the freedom to travel like you wanted, you can’t get the degree you hoped for, and your life is not your own anymore. You are stuck.
Truth #1: Becoming a mom is a dream come true and doesn’t stop you from achieving your dreams.
While it is true that life is different with children, it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of your dreams.
You can still be a mom and hang on to your dream of traveling the world or writing a book. That dream will just look different with kids. You can travel with kids, and you can make time to write.
The new perspective of motherhood may also change your dreams. For example, I wanted to become a therapist until I had a baby and realized she was my priority over getting a masters degree. Now I am happy to keep blogging and work towards my new dream of becoming a relationship coach while being a stay-at-home mom.
Lie #2: The fun stops when you have kids.
When the kids come, the fun is done. Your favorite pass-times become luxuries, you rarely get time alone, and you may start even hating your husband. (This book can help you if you are unexpectedly hating your husband!)
Truth #2: You gain a new level of joy as a mom.
While becoming a mom is hard and takes work, it doesn’t come without an abundance of joy. Sure, you may not have the same “fun” that you used to have, but you’ll experience a deeper appreciation for the little things in life.
You’ll learn to be proud of your child when they accomplish something hard. You’ll get excited when it’s time to take your kid to the playground. You’ll laugh hysterically with your child at a dumb joke. You’ll get to see everything from your child’s perspective: everything is new, bright, exciting, and full of possibility.
And the best part? You get to be the one to experience this joyful life with them. What “fun” could possibly be more valuable than that?
You might also enjoy: The Ultimate Guide to be a Happy Stay-at-Home Mom
Lie #3: If you graduated from college and don’t have a job, your degree is going to waste.
Maybe you earned a degree in college and were planning on using it to further your career, but then your kiddos came along and it became unrealistic for you to get a job or continue working full-time.
This can be disheartening, especially when you think about all the time and money you spent to earn your degree. However, the knowledge and experiences you gained will not go to waste.
Truth #3: Your degree still matters in motherhood!
While some aspects of your degree may seem irrelevant to parenthood, that is not entirely true. Think of everything you can now teach your kids because of what you know!
For example, if you did research during college, then you can help your children understand the difference between reliable and unreliable sources. This will teach them to not believe everything they hear and seek validation if they want to know whether something is true.
Not only will that be beneficial to your children, but to you as well! You’ll be able to seek accurate information to make parental decisions, and you will know what advice to ignore.
You might also like: 7 Ways to Survive Being a Mom in College
Lie #4: You’re a failure if you didn’t get a college degree.
If you had to pause or forgo your education due to motherhood, you might feel inadequate in a society that equates success with degrees and income. But formal education and financial achievements do not define success as a mom.
Truth #4: You can make as much or more of a difference in the world as a parent than a college graduate.
My grandparents chose to leave college to focus on raising their family, and they went on to have eight wonderful children. Despite not having degrees, they are among the wisest people I know. Their influence shaped my father, who in turn shaped me.
I also was able to live with my grandparents for 6 months after graduating high school and before attending college. I learned a lot from them, such as how to stand up for what I believe in, getting tasks done efficiently, being a dependable person, the importance of serving others, how to have fun, and how to make God and family a priority.
Although my grandparents may not have official college degrees, they have been great examples to me of what it means to live a good life. They serve willingly, they love their family, and they stand firm in their faith in God.
The example of my grandparents proves that you don’t need a diploma to make a profound impact on the world—parenting itself is one of the greatest ways to change lives for the better.
You might also like: The Benefits of Being a Stay-at-Home Mom
Lie #5: I have to be making an income to be a successful adult.
Modern culture often measures people’s worth in dollars. If you bring in little to no income, you may feel like your work is less valuable.
Truth #5: Your work as a mom is more valuable than money.
Consider this: nannies, babysitters, and daycares are paid to care for children—not necessarily to raise them, instill morals, or teach them about life.
On the other hand, you are not paid to watch your own children. However, you are one of their main role models in life. You are their coach, cheerleader, seamstress, chef, therapist, nurse, and life teacher! You are the guardian angel God sent them.
While financial struggles are real, the value of motherhood is immeasurable. Your time, love, and dedication provide your children with something money can’t buy—a strong foundation for life and love.
Lie #6: Moms have more value if they volunteer, have hobbies, and are involved in the community.
It can be easy to get stuck in the trap of comparing yourself to others moms. You may feel like you should be as efficient and involved as moms with the same number of kids as you. Or you might feel like you aren’t doing enough if aren’t volunteering, scrap-booking, and have a photography side-hustle, etc.
Truth #6: Every mom is different, and that doesn’t change the value of motherhood.
Every mom is different.
I know… so cliche, right? But if you truly believed that, you wouldn’t worry so much about trying to do it all just because your friend can do it all.
So try to believe it. Believe that her life is different than yours. Her kids are different. Her financial situation is different. Her family life is different. Her mental capacity is different. Her daily routine is different. Her emotional needs are different. Her physical abilities are different. Her goals are different.
Her whole life is different.
In sum, the value of a mom does not change based on how many activities she is involved in.
Lie #7: Your value as a mom decreases when you aren’t doing what you used to do.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your present self to your past self. You might think, “Back then, I had time for work, exercise, socializing, and hobbies. Why can’t I do it all now?”
Lately it has been easy for me to think I was a better parent when our oldest was a baby than I am now with two toddlers. I was happier, more fun, and more energetic. Have I become a worse mom?
Truth #7: Life will change and your value as a mom won’t change.
Life is likely not the same as it was back when you could “do all that.” Maybe you live somewhere else, have more kids, have older kids, or had a lifestyle change.
So really- don’t tell yourself you’re a failure just because your life is different than it was in the past. Instead of measuring your worth by what you used to do, acknowledge the incredible work you are doing now.
Being a mom was a little easier when I just had one baby, which is why I had more energy. Now, I have two toddlers and am pregnant with our third baby. So I should not expect to be the same mom. But that does not make me a bad mom! I still value my motherhood and know being a mom is one of the most important things I could be doing now.
You might also enjoy: 11 Signs You’re a Good Mom (even if you don’t think so)
What You Do Matters
Mama, you are amazing! Believe in the value of motherhood, because you will have a huge impact on your children for the rest of their lives. You don’t need any excuses to prove to anyone that what you do is incredible.
The love, patience, and dedication you pour into your family will have a lasting impact for generations to come. So stand tall in the knowledge that your work is important, and know that you are fulfilling a divine calling from God.
And don’t you dare tell anyone that you are “just a mom.”
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