Mom Anger Management Tips
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I am not an angry person. Then where did this mom anger come from?
I rarely ever EVER got angry at anyone until I had my second kid. Now I find myself frequently having angry thoughts about my husband or my kids. I hate it! It often feels like a disease that I need to get rid of but I don’t know how.
If you can relate and are wanting to get rid of your mom anger or at least have better anger management, then I hope these tips will help you.
I’m not an angry person. Why am I an angry mom?
You may be feeling frustrated and confused about why on earth you are an angry mom when you weren’t an angry person in the first place.
The short answer to this question? You are giving more of yourself than you have before, and therefore it is hard to meet your own needs and keep your energy up.
Here are a few simple problems that may be contributing to your mom anger and some solutions to those problems.
1. You are hungry.
Solution: Have plenty of filling and healthy snacks on hand.
Being “hangry” is definitely a thing. If you find yourself about to lose your temper and you haven’t eaten in a few hours, grab a snack to prevent things from exploding. Seriously, food can be one of the best anger management tools for moms!
If you’re a dark chocolate lover, I recommend Jo-Jo bars because they are yummy, healthy, and have lots of protein in them. They will satisfy your hunger and bring you joy at the same time!
2. You are tired.
Sleep deprivation does not end after the baby is sleeping through the night. It can be hard to get to bed at a good time when there is so much to do around the house, or a husband you want to spend time with.
Solution: Prioritize more sleep, rest, and naps.
If you find yourself feeling sleepy or energy deprived, then make an effort to go to bed 30 minutes earlier or take a power nap when the kids are settled.
It may also be a good plan to avoid resolving conflict with your husband right before bed, especially if you’re extra tired. One of the best pieces of marriage advice I’ve heard is that it’s okay to go to bed angry. Sleep off the anger and talk about the issue in the morning when you’re feeling rested.
3. You are overstimulated.
It is way too easy to become overstimulated as a mom. You are often trying to meet multiple people’s needs at the same time, including your own! Not to mention all the noise kids make, the messes they create, and the attention they require.
Solution: Get out or get away for a couple minutes.
If you find yourself feeling overstimulated, then try to get your children in a safe place where they can be alone temporarily. Sneak out the door for some fresh air, hide in a closet for a few minutes, or just lay on your bed and breathe.
If you help yourself to calm down when you are feeling overstimulated, it can prevent your anger from boiling over.
You might also like: How to be a Calm Parent When Your Kids are Driving You Crazy
4. You are overworked.
It is way too easy to get overworked as a mom. Whether you stay at home all day with the kids or work, you have a lot on your plate!
If you spend all day giving yourself to your family and other people, you’ll have nothing left for yourself and you will get burned out.
Solution: Schedule regular you-time.
To avoid becoming overworked, schedule some time for yourself to do something for you. It could be a weekly trip to the mall alone, time spent with friends, a massage, some quiet time in your room without interruption, a date with your husband, etc.
My husband and I recently started going on a daily 10 minute walk up and down our street after our kids are for sure asleep. It has a been a huge game-changer for me! I have felt less angry, more energized, and happier since we started this simple tradition.
Whatever you choose to do, choose something that brings you joy and gives you emotional energy!
5 Mom Anger Management Tips
While feeding your hunger, sleeping, and taking breaks are important, sometimes they aren’t enough to calm mom anger. If this is the case, then consider using some of these mom anger management tools.
1. Write in your journal.
First, write down exactly what you are feeling. Totally vent it all! Write down all your ugly thoughts, all the crazy things that are happening, and how tired you are.
Second, write down what you are grateful for. Once you get all the negative out, you will have an easier time finding the good in your day. And it will help you feel so much better!
My personal experience:
I have done this exercise a few times now, and it has saved me from blowing up and saying some really nasty things!
One time I found myself overstimulated from parenting and was angry at my husband. I took some time to be alone and vent to my journal. I shared all the things I was upset about and how I wish my husband could understand better and blah blah blah.
After I got all of the wife/mom anger out in my journal, I wrote down what I was grateful for about Chase at that moment. There were a ton of things to be grateful for just in that day!
After I was done, I felt so much more relaxed, calm, and collected. I was able to leave my room feeling happier and able to give to my family again. (It was also easier to casually address the conflicting issue with my husband later that day without blowing up or melting down!)
2. Ask God to take your negative emotions away temporarily.
This mom anger management tip has been a lifesaver for me!
I remember one specific day when my toddler seemed to fall apart after all my hard work of trying to help her have a fun day. I had to drive my toddler and baby home at this point, and I felt like melting down.
I knew I needed to think straight while driving home and not be angry at my little girl who wasn’t feeling good. So I asked God to take away all my negative emotions until my toddler was asleep and I could vent to my husband over the phone.
And guess what? IT TOTALLY WORKED!
God replaced my mom anger and frustration with peace and focus, and I was able to have a clear head while putting my toddler down for a nap.
Whenever you need help putting your anger aside, ask God to take it for you until you are in a calm environment to process your emotions.
3. Take time to process anger and other negative emotions.
Even if you ask God to take away your negative emotions so you can take care of your kiddos, you still need to take time to process those emotions.
God can hold emotions for you, and sometimes He will even take certain emotions away from you permanently. But He wants you to learn how to deal with them. He wants you to learn what your emotions mean. He wants you to take time to understand yourself better by processing your emotions.
Sometimes I like to process my emotions by writing them down or venting them to my mom or husband. Getting the angry thoughts and negative emotions out of my head helps me to understand and cope with them better.
If you struggle processing your emotions or giving yourself time to do it, then I highly recommend reading the book, Decode Your Darkness, by E. K. Richards. Richards takes you on a self-discovery journey, and she gives you plenty of emotion-processing activities with directions that are easy to follow.
4. Take time-outs.
If you feel like you are about to boil over in fury, then take a time-out. Leave the kids in a safe space (or tell your husband you need a time-out) and be alone for a couple minutes.
Take time to breathe and remember that whatever is making you angry is most likely temporary and can be resolved.
5. Create an anger log.
Creating an anger log can help you discover what triggers your anger and how to eliminate it before it becomes too heated. It takes time, but keeping an anger log will help you understand yourself and have better anger management as a mom and wife.
Here is an example of what you might include in your anger log (this example is from the book, Strengthening Marriage, Instructor’s Guide from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints):
- Date and triggering event or person
- Intensity of anger (scale of 1 – 10, 1 being mild and 10 being severe)
- Thoughts feeding your anger
- Feelings underlying your anger
- How you dealt with your anger
- Self-talk in dealing with anger
- How successful you were in controlling your anger
- What seemed to help the situation
- Suppressed, vented, or unresolved anger
- What you’ll do better next time.
Here are a couple other great options if you want a physical place to write and learn about your anger:
You got this!
I know that all the emotions, especially anger, that come with being a mom are not easy to manage. But just keep trying and remember that God can help you do this! Ask Him for help and trust Him to guide you to the right anger antidote for you.
Thanks for you honesty and great advice! So good. I wish you would have posted this 23 years ago!!
So glad you enjoyed it! Would’ve been nice if I knew all that 23 years ago, expect I wouldn’t have been able to use it as a toddler.😅
This was a great post. I hope it gets lots of views.
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it, Kathy!