How to Help Siblings Get Along (toddler-specific tips!)
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Having a toddler can be both fun and chaotic. Their brains are developing so rapidly, and yet they still need constant teaching and repetition.
Learning how to help siblings get along can be challenging when one or more of those siblings are toddlers. They go through possessive stages, hitting stages, screaming stages, etc.
So how do you get through this with your children’s sibling relationships AND your sanity intact?! Here are a few tips that will help your kids get along better and foster sibling bonding.
1) Reinforce Healthy Rules and Boundaries
It’s hard to develop a healthy and stable relationship with someone if there are no boundaries or rules.
The same goes for toddlers. They need to know the rules and know that they are always (not just sometimes) there.
Here are a few rules I recommend implementing in your home to help your toddler(s) get along and learn respect.
You might also enjoy: How to Improve Your Child’s Behavior
No hitting, be soft.
Hitting is always a no. You should never allow your children to hurt each other.
Instead, tell them to be soft. This works well with toddlers and littles because it tells them what to do instead of hitting, not just not to hit. Model it to them by touching their sibling softly or by holding their hand and using it to gently touch their sibling. Doing this each time your toddler tries to hit or hurt your other child will help them remember it better.
If they don’t stop hitting, take them to another room or area where they feel safe so they can calm down.
Say sorry.
Learning to say sorry is so important. Teach your child the importance of saying sorry when they hurt their sibling or do something to make them sad.
If it was an accident, I usually say something like: “I know that you didn’t mean to hurt your sister, it was an accident. But will you still say sorry and give a hug to help her feel better?”
If my daughter is not ready to say sorry, I tell her she can go to her room until she is ready to say sorry. This can help her calm down if she is worked up about the incident.
It’s important that we don’t force our children to say sorry and let them say sorry when they are ready. However, this doesn’t mean that we should let them go about their day and not say sorry. Saying sorry helps them acknowledge that they did something wrong and that they will try to do better. While they might not understand this perfectly right away, repetition will help them to eventually understand.
Say please and thank you.
Learning to say please and thank you is a simple but powerful way to teach respect for others. We taught both our daughters please and thank you in sign language before they could talk so that they could start “saying” it earlier.
When they say please and thank you not only to adults but to each other, it teaches them to have respect for each other.💕
Walk away and get help.
Instead of screaming or hitting, teach your toddler to walk away from the conflict with their sibling, then get help. They can go to you or another trusted adult to help solve the problem. Show them that you’re on their team and are there to help.
If my 3-year-old fails to walk away and ask for help and screaming or hitting ensues, I remind her (after she is calm) what to do next time. “Next time that happens, just walk away and come get me. I will help you.”
Sharing is caring.
Encouraging your toddler to share with their sibling(s) is a great way to help them start thinking about their siblings’ desires and not just their own. Praise your toddler when they share toys, snacks, clothing, etc. Point out what their brother/sister is feeling because they offered to share.
If your toddler has their own special toy or other item they love dearly, they shouldn’t be required to share it. You probably have some things that are special to you that you shouldn’t be sharing with others (wedding ring, phone, etc.)
If they don’t want to share their special toy, it could help to have them put it in their room or somewhere else where they can play with it by themselves.
If two kids both struggle to share a toy and keep fighting over it after encouraging them to share, then take it away. Tell them they need to take a break from the toy and can try again next time when they are ready to share. You can even tell them the toy needs to go in “time-out”.
You might also enjoy this book: Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life
2) Strengthen Sibling Relationships
Strengthening sibling relationships is one of the best ways to help siblings get along. If they like each other and enjoy being together, then they will have an easier time getting along. (This won’t make conflict go away, just make it more do-able.)
Here are a few ways you can strengthen sibling relationships between your toddler(s).
Allow your toddler to help with the younger sibling.
If your toddler is an older sibling, then give them opportunities to help care for their little brother/sister! Here are a few ways they can do that:
- Ask them to grab wipes or diapers.
- Let them feed their brother or sister (when appropriate and do-able).
- If they are 3 or 4, give them short chances to keep an eye on the younger sibling.
- Praise them for keeping their younger brother or sister safe.
- Example: My 3-year-old noticed our 1-year-old start to wander into the road, and she gently took her little sister’s arm and guided her safely towards us. I told her thank you and good job for keeping her sister safe. I also told her that she should do that next time if it happens again.
- Let your toddler pick out their younger sibling’s clothes for the day.
You might also enjoy: How to Get Chores Done With a Toddler (age appropriate chores for 1-3 year olds!)
Help them understand their sibling’s emotions.
Toddlers are often so focused on their own emotions that it takes an adult to help them realize that others have feelings too.
Teach your toddler what makes their sibling happy or sad. This could be the same or different from what makes your toddler happy or sad.
It can also help to ask your child, “How would you feel if ______? How do you think that makes your brother/sister feel?”
Give them matching toys.
This is an easy way to help toddler siblings get along!
Whether it’s Christmas or just a random toy from the dollar tree, having matching toys can make it easier for your young kids to play together. They also don’t have to worry about sharing because they each have the same thing.
They may or may not play together, but it is still fun to get matching toys if it is something they’ll both like!
Tip!! Make sure you mark the toys so you know whose is whose and they don’t fight over them.😊
Encourage playing together.
Talk to your toddler(s) about how happy you are when you see them playing together or having fun together. Praise them for playing nicely and teach them that it makes the other sibling happy and have fun too.
Make sure there are toys available that both/all siblings will enjoy playing with together. This can include blocks, little people, dolls, stuffed animals, cars, trains, etc. You can also tell them that it is often more fun to play together than alone.
You might also enjoy this picture book for kids: Sibling Love: Sibling Book for Toddlers
3) Make it Clear Each Child is Unconditionally Loved
When each child feels unconditionally loved and knows that you love their sibling(s) too, they gain a strong sense of security and ability to show deeper love and respect for their sibling(s).
While it is more simply said than done, unconditional love is one of the greatest and most powerful gifts you can give your child. Below are a few ways you can use that unconditional love to help siblings get along.
Want to learn more about the importance of unconditional love and how to express it as a parent? The book, Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Kohn can do wonders for your parenting and your children!
Don’t play favorites.
Never imply that you love one child more than the other. Toddlers take things very literally, so try not to joke about this in front of them.
Try to give everyone equal opportunities as best suited to the circumstances, ages, and abilities.
Spend one-on-one time with each child.
Spending time with each child one-on-one is a great indirect way to help siblings get along. It shows your toddler that you love being with them and their sibling(s) and that all the kids are special and loved.
When you show this kind of love to each child, it can help your toddler feel more secure in their relationship with their sibling. You love their sibling(s) and love being with them, so they can too.
You might also enjoy: Time With Your Kids: Is it Really Worth it?
React as predictably as you can each time conflict arises.
Don’t scream at one child who did something wrong and then speak softly to the other who also did something wrong. Help each child know that you will react the same in similar situations, regardless of who caused it.
Reacting predictably will help your child to know you feel love for them and their sibling, not just one or the other.
You might also enjoy: Spontaneous Ideas to Strengthen Your Parent-Child Relationship
Strengthening Toddler Sibling Bonds Takes Time and Patience
Figuring out how to help toddlers get along with their siblings is a journey filled with ups and downs, but with patience, consistency, and lots of love, you can help build a strong foundation for their relationships.
By reinforcing rules and boundaries, nurturing empathy, encouraging them to play and share, and showing unconditional love to each child, you’re setting them up for a lifetime of healthy interactions and mutual respect.
Remember, helping siblings get along is a work in progress, and it’s okay if things aren’t perfect all the time. Celebrate the small victories, stay consistent in your approach, and know that the effort you’re putting in now will pay off in the long run. Your kids will not only learn to get along—they’ll learn to genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
Fabulous!! This is awesome!!
Thank you!!