Explaining Death to Preschoolers as a Christian Parent
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Explaining death to preschoolers can be a daunting task, even as a Christian parent. Death is such an abstract concept for young minds that it can take a long time before they completely understand.
I recently experienced the death of my grandmother, who we lived very close to. My children got to see her about twice each week and grew very close to her.
After my grandma was diagnosed with ALS and started declining, we knew we needed to prepare our children, particularly our 3-year-old.
While it was a challenging time, there were also sweet and tender moments that came with our preschooler learning about death. It was a precious opportunity to help her understand death, the Resurrection, and how it applied to my grandmother, whom they knew as “GG”.
Whether you are experiencing the death of a loved one or you just want to teach your child, I hope my experience can help you. Here are some tips I learned from explaining death to my preschooler as a Christian parent.
Tips for Explaining Death to Preschoolers
1) Tell the truth
Some parents make the mistake of telling their preschooler that if someone dies, they have gone to sleep or are going on a long journey.
While these are understandable explanations, it could be confusing for young children and it is not true. When someone is asleep, that implies they will wake up. If someone is on a long journey, that implies they will come back.
Children need to know that death is different. A dead person will not wake up. They will not come back.
2) Use clear terminology
Don’t avoid saying “dead,” “dying,” “died,” or “death.” Lots of people tend to say that a deceased person has “passed away” as a nicer way of describing death. Using this term and others such as “moved on to the next life” can be confusing for preschool-aged kids.
If you consistently use the actual words for death when talking about it, there will be less room for confusion and frustration for your child.
3) Tell them what happens to the spirit and body
You can explain to your preschooler that when somebody dies, their body stops working. They don’t breathe, their heart doesn’t beat, they can’t eat or play, and they don’t move.
However, their spirit works great! Their spirit is separated from their body and can move and talk, sing, be happy, and be with Jesus. Their spirit can even visit us and watch over us, we just can’t see them.
I love how Alma explains death in The Book of Mormon:
Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.
Alma 40:11-12, The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus christ
And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.
4) Teach your child about Jesus and the Resurrection
A big part of explaining death to preschoolers is teaching them about the Resurrection of Jesus. Help your child understand that Jesus made death temporary. Even though we will not see our dead loved ones for a very very long time, Jesus will help them to come back to life one day.
You can also teach your preschooler that when their loved one is resurrected, their body will be perfect. They won’t be sick, they’ll have no pain, and they’ll be able to do all the things they might not have been able to do before they died.
This can bring hope and comfort to your child if they experience death. Tell them that it is okay to be sad, but we will see them again someday because of Jesus.
You might also enjoy: How to Introduce Jesus to Your Toddler
5) Tell your preschooler they can ask questions
Repeatedly let your child know in a loving way that you are there to help them understand. Make sure your preschooler knows they can ask you any questions about dying and death. And don’t react in a way that could embarrass your child when they ask questions. This could discourage them from asking further questions.
When your child does ask questions, give them simple and concrete answers. This website shares some possible questions your child may ask and examples of how you can answer them.
6) Don’t overload them with too much information
A lot of patience is required when explaining death to preschoolers. It may take time before they can receive all the information they need and process that information.
If you give your child all the information about death and the afterlife all at once without them asking for it, it could be very overwhelming. When they change the subject, let the subject be changed and don’t push to give them more details.
7) Be okay with silence
Silence can be a great tool that shows your child is processing the information you gave them. If your child is silent after you give them information about death, sit with them until they have another question or move on to something else.
8) Explain what causes death
Telling your child what causes death can help them not be as afraid of it. You can tell your child that most of the time, people die when they are really old. Sometimes it is because people get really really sick and the doctors can’t help. Other times it is because of accidents, like a car crash.
You can choose how much information to give your preschooler. I just told my daughter that most of the time, people die when they are really really old or really really sick and left it at that. I didn’t want her to fear for her life or anyone else’s life while riding in a car or going outside.
In other words, give them enough information that they understand but are not constantly afraid. The amount of information about the causes of death you give will be different for every child.
Activities to Help Preschoolers Understand Death
There are plenty of activities you can do with your child to teach them about death and how to grieve the death of a loved one.
1) Pray
Encourage your preschooler to tell God how they feel about death in their prayers if it seems like something they would like to do. Help them know they can tell God anything and ask for comfort and understanding.
I also recommend that you pray for help and wisdom to know how to explain death to your child. There’s no one who understands your child better than God does, so enlist Him in your efforts!
You might also enjoy: God and Motherhood: How God can Help in Your Motherhood Journey
2) Read books about death
Reading books can be immensely helpful in explaining death to preschoolers. Here are a few that you and your child might benefit from reading together.
When I’m With Jesus: For Any Child With a Loved One in Heaven
This book is great for Christian families. It has big text for younger children and smaller text with more details for older children. It is very comforting and can help children not be so afraid of death and be able to grieve the loss of a loved one.
Badger’s Parting Gifts
We have Badger’s Parting Gifts at our home. It does a great job at showing how death can cause sadness, but time and thinking about memories with the deceased can help ease the pain.
The Lantern House
The Lantern House is a sweet book about a house that watches a young family move in, get older, leave, and then has a new family move in. It doesn’t outright say that anyone dies, but it is implied and you can explain it to your child as you read the book to them.
The Memory Box
The Memory Box goes through the ups and downs of what a child might feel when a loved one dies. It helps the child learn how to keep their own special memories of their loved one who has passed away.
When Someone You Love Has Died
The book, When Someone You Love Has Died, goes through what a child might experience when a loved one dies. It talks about what it means for someone to be dead and how the child and people around them might be feeling.
3) Re-enact death in play
It may help your child better process death if they use it in play. For example, after my grandma died, my 3-year-old told me her toy flamingo died and proceeded to “bury” it in pillows. Afterwards, she exclaimed that it had “come back to life!”
Your child might even want to pretend that they died or that you have died.
Please don’t discourage your child from processing death through play. While it may seem shocking and sometimes inappropriate, it is their way of trying to understand the phenomenon called death. Young children do not process information as well as we do, so they need a visual and hands-on way to help them understand.
4) Plan of salvation lesson
Having a visual lesson on God’s plan for us and how He sent His Son, Jesus, to die and live again can help preschoolers understand death a little more.
If you want to focus on Jesus’ death and Resurrection, then this is a great craft and lesson to do with your child.
Since my family are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we teach our children about God’s Plan of Salvation. This includes our pre-earth life with God, coming to earth, dying, going to spirit paradise or spirit prison, being Resurrected, then where we will live forever. We enjoy using colored print-outs to explain this to our kids. Ldslane.net has some awesome printables to help you. You can find them here.
5) Show them/remind them what happens when a bug or animal dies
Your child has likely seen a dead bug or dead animal. You can use these moments or memories to teach them what it is like when someone dies. You can point out that the animal or bug no longer can move, eat, or make noise. Its body does not work anymore. Burying a dead bug or animal may also help your child to further understand death and that it is an end.
6) Hand and glove activity
For this activity all you need is a glove and a hand. It’s even better if you have a glove for you and a glove for your child.
The glove represents a body, and your hand represents a spirit. Point out to your preschooler that when you put your hand into your glove, the glove can move. When the hand comes out of the glove, the glove can no longer move on its own.
This is similar to when someone dies and their spirit leaves their body. Their spirit still exists, but their body no longer works.
May God Bless You in This Journey
Even though it is hard explaining death to preschoolers, it can be a precious experience for you two to share. As you are open and honest with your child and seek God’s guidance, you may be surprised at how much they understand and accept what you say.
Remember to teach your child that because Jesus overcame death, we and our loved ones will too. Remind your child that they can turn to God at any time for peace or comfort when they are feeling sad.
I wish you the best as you go on this tender journey of teaching your child about death. I know that as you pray for guidance, God will help you along this difficult journey.