How Humor Can Make Your Marriage Better

When Chase and I got married, life seemed absolutely wonderful! The sky was bluer, the grass was greener, and we seemed perfect for each other. We loved spending as much time with each other as we wanted and living together. Everything was wonderful and I was excited to share my entire life with my new husband!

As you may guess, this happy rainbow and sunshine perspective doesn’t tend to last forever in any relationship. Eventually it can become easy to be annoyed with the habits your spouse has that you aren’t used to. As the years go by, life can also become stressful when challenges come your way.

If you have experienced this frustration or stress in your marriage (whether married for 5 days or 50 years), you are not alone! And if you are praying for a way to endure these challenges, I’ve got an answer for you. Add a little humor in your life!

“Laughter…improves communication and builds relationships because everyone laughs in the same language.”

Gary K. Palmer

What Does Science Say About Humor?

Did you know studies show that humor can lessen stress, fear, intimidation, embarrassment, and anger? It also helps people to live longer and happier lives! Laughter helps people’s blood pressure to decrease and the body releases endorphins, creating a lasting positive feeling even after laughing (scholarsarchive.byu.edu).

I have experienced many instances where these positive effects of humor have blessed my marriage. I hope sharing some of my own experiences will inspire you and your spouse to laugh together more!

Using Humor to Address Annoyances

While Chase and I did go through a period of adjustment after getting married (which we probably haven’t finished yet 😂), we have been able to ease the tension through humor. 

For example, Chase usually puts his dirty dishes in the sink while I prefer to put them straight into the dishwasher. So when Chase puts dishes into the sink when the dishwasher is dirty, I tend to get annoyed. 

When I bring the problem up to Chase, he often says, “I’m just making sure you remember I’m still here!”

Chase’s comment eases any tension I may have and usually makes me laugh. It also helps me to think about the positive: I would much rather have dishes in the sink and be married to Chase than have a sparkling clean sink and not be married to him. 

Oftentimes when Chase gets annoyed with something I do, he will express his frustration in a “pretend angry” voice. It is hard to describe how goofy his voice sounds using words, but this is what his face looks like: 

As you can imagine, this usually gets me to smile rather than react with an irritated or disappointed tone. Chase’s way of confronting these minor issues also helps me to know that:

• Our differences are not anything we can’t handle.
• I am more important to Chase than my weird or annoying habits.
• Chase cares about my feelings and doesn’t want to hurt them.

Additionally, I feel more motivated to improve so that I can make Chase’s life more enjoyable, just like he makes mine more enjoyable. 

In Proverbs it states, “A merry heart doeth good like medicine.” Just like medicine can save our bodies from unnecessary pain and suffering, laughter and positive attitudes can save our relationships from unnecessary heartache. 

Using Humor to Deflate an Argument

Chase and I have found that laughing together definitely helps us cool down when we are discussing conflicts we have. 

After we moved from our tiny studio apartment to a rental home, Chase and I had to buy a scrubby brush to clean dishes. One day, we were talking about the brush and the conversation went something like this: 

Me: “I don’t think I’ve used this kind of scrubby brush before, but I like it!”

Chase: “What do you mean? We had that exact same brush in our last home.”

Me: “No… our last one had more colors on it. This one is all white.” 

Chase: “No, I remember. We’ve had that same brush before!”

Me: “No I remember! This one’s bristles are different! It’s a totally different scrubby brush!”

This conversation comes back up every couple months, and it always ends in the same way: me and Chase laughing and realizing that we will never know who is right until we die and ask God. We have joked about this conversation with other family members and told them it is the one thing we will never agree on.

Although this argument was not very heated or major, I hope that it can teach us the principle of laughing off unimportant issues. We don’t need to be so serious about life, and we don’t need to be right! How things were in the past are not as important as how our relationship is and what we can become together.

(Warning: While humor can help ease the tension in an argument, the most important thing is to be aware of your spouse’s needs. There will be times that cracking a joke will not help calm the other person down, but make them even more heated. Overall, be sensitive and considerate when using humor. Make sure the goal is to laugh with, not at, your spouse.)

Using Humor to Get Through Challenging Circumstances

Humor is an important aspect of decreasing stress when the storms of life hit (literal or figurative). 

Chase and I have experienced humor getting us through storms in a very literal way. We went to a rodeo on a July evening for a family reunion when the clouds burst open with buckets of rain. When we finally found a parking spot, our little 4-month-old baby, Charity, was sobbing in the back seat. She was hungry, tired, and the loud rain pounding on the car was scaring her. 

I was nervous about bringing Charity into the wind and the rain, especially knowing she wouldn’t be able to eat or sleep well. However, Chase encouraged me and told me it would all work out. In the worst case scenario, we could come back to the car and go home. So we put a towel on top of Charity’s car seat and ran outside.

There were ponds of water forming all around us, and we raced to the first shelter we could find. There were people huddled under the tall shed-looking building and one man called to us, “Turn back now! It only gets worse from here!” 

The man’s warning made me a little nervous, but Chase and I decided to move forward. We laughed as we splashed through puddles that reached above our ankles and ran to get in line for the rodeo. The man who let us in the gates smiled and told us this would be something we would never forget, especially with a little baby.

We ended up having a great time at the rodeo despite the rain and mud, and Charity did a lot better than I thought she would! In fact, the rain and mud is part of what made the event so exciting and why I will remember it for a long time. One of the most memorable events of that rodeo was when the rodeo announcer decided the fans would have a belly flop contest into about 8 inches of a mud puddle. The contestants all got so muddy, and everyone was laughing.

So how did humor help us get through a cold, wet, rodeo with a baby? Well, I can tell you that without it, we would not have stayed. Even if we did, I would have more likely remembered the event as miserable, cold, and a waste of money. I may have also ended up mad at Chase for driving us there. However, all it took was a little laughter and enjoying the puddles to transform this experience into a happy and less stressful one. 

Moral of the Story…

Just like laughter got us to go to the rodeo with smiles on our faces, it can help you get through challenges you and your spouse will experience in life. Sometimes all it takes is a little humor to help you remember what really matters: your relationship with each other.

“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

Vivian Greene