How to Bond With Your Newborn (When Life is Busy)

Learning how to bond with your newborn is one of the most important things you can do as a new parent.

Bonding with your newborn can be difficult when there is so much to be done and so much to learn about your new baby. Believe me, I know.

I hope these tips will help you learn how you can better bond with your newborn, even when life is busy.

What can prevent you from bonding with your newborn?

1. Distractions

Sometimes it is hard to be a parent with a house to clean, work to be done, and people to entertain. Being distracted by any of these tasks makes it hard to spend time and bond with your newborn.

It’s easy to be under the false impression that because newborns can’t do much, that they don’t care what we do. However, newborns need love and attention. That is how they bond with you.

So do your best to eliminate or decrease anything distracting you from your baby.

2. Mental and emotional health problems

Your mental and emotional health can influence how you bond with your newborn. (Source)

If you find yourself experiencing problems such as postpartum anxiety or depression, please seek help. You will have a better parenting experience and greater ability to take care of your baby if you take care of yourself.

Know that these issues are normal and you should not be ashamed for having them.

3. Inability to be in the present

Being present with your baby is vital to bonding with your newborn. If you excessively think about any of the following, then you may be struggling to be present with your baby:

• “I hope my baby doesn’t turn out like my jerk relative.”
• “What if the baby stops breathing?!”
• “I’m such a bad parent! I don’t know what I’m doing!”
• “I am not getting enough sleep. This is awful.”

These are just a handful of examples. While they are not necessarily horrible thoughts, they can interrupt bonding with your newborn if you dwell on them.

How to Bond With Your Newborn

1. Set a time limit on time-consuming apps.

There have been a number of occasions where I was scrolling on social media only to be “awakened” by my baby crying because she bonked her head… Poor girl! If I had only been more attentive, I may have been able to prevent her from getting hurt.

Setting a time limit on distracting apps is a huge help to me! Iphones and androids have a feature where you can limit the time you spend on certain apps.(Go here to learn how to set it up on an iphone and go here to set it up on an android.)

I have an iphone, and once I reach the time limit, I can’t get into that app unless you put a code in. I have my husband choose the code and keep it a secret.

This trick has helped me to use my time on my phone wisely and prioritize bonding with my baby.

2. Categorize your to-do list.

Once you have made your to-do list for the day, label what you will do while your baby is sleeping and what you will do while they are awake. Then choose to be extra disciplined and only focus on the awake to-do’s while your child is awake and the sleeping to-do’s when they are sleeping.

Typically, I have chosen to do things that require a computer (like homework or blogging) while my baby sleeps. There is just no way to bond with my newborn and focus on the computer at the same time.

I also choose to study the scriptures and pray while the baby sleeps because that is also hard to do while she’s awake and active. (Plus it gives me what I need to get through my day.)

While the baby is awake, I like to do chores that I can get done while still interacting with her instead of being distracted from her.

Folding laundry is often a great “awake” chore. My oldest used to have such a fun time taking the laundry out of the laundry basket, and sometimes I’d playfully throw some clothes over her head and she’d start laughing. The trick was keeping her more interested in the unfolded clothes while putting the folded ones out of reach.

3. Take breaks often to play with your baby. 

If you aren’t sure how to bond with your newborn, then take lots of play-time breaks! Play time is a fantastic way to connect with your baby, and I actually heard from a mom I know that play time helps her kids be more willing to obey her when they get older! 

To implement this, you can schedule play time with your baby or just feel it out. I usually can feel when we are ready for break time. Sometimes my baby starts getting fussy from lack of attention, or I notice I’m getting distracted from her because of chores.

Once you decide it’s break time, set a timer for at least 5-15 minutes (doesn’t have to be long!). Then play your heart out with your kid!

Make it a rule that you won’t touch your phone or do anything else other than interact positively with your child until the timer goes off. Trust me, this will help you to feel more connected with your child and de-stress at the same time!

For families with multiple children:

If you have more than one child in your family, then taking breaks to play with your newborn may be more of a challenge. However, it is still important!

Make an effort to schedule a few minutes of one-on-one time with your baby. It could be as soon as your baby wakes up while the other children are sleeping, right after everyone else has gone to school, or while your toddler is watching a movie.

You can also invite your other child(ren) to play with you and the baby outside of your one-on-one time. This can help the sibling(s) to bond with the newborn.

4. Pause and enjoy your baby while feeding them. 

While nursing my baby, I have often felt the urge to keep busy on my phone by blogging, checking social media, texting, emailing, etc.

However, I’ve noticed that focusing on my phone disconnects me from my baby. And she often notices and will protest!

But as I let myself be still and just enjoy being with her, I feel so much more bonded to my baby, and she is happier. The chance I have to nurse her and hold her in my arms won’t last forever, and I want to appreciate it!

Even if you don’t nurse and are feeding your baby with a spoon or bottle, use meal times as an opportunity to connect. Don’t let your child think your phone or chores are more important than them.

5. Talk, sing, and read to your newborn.

A great, busy-proof way to bond with your newborn is by talking, singing, and reading to them. This will help the baby learn to recognize your voice and aid in their brain development. It also will release hormones in you and your baby that will help you two to bond. [Source]

Babies love touchy feely books, and our oldest loved when we would read her this one when she was just a few months old.

6. Snuggle.

Snuggle as much as your can with your newborn! Soon they are going to be on the move and not so snuggley anymore, so soak it up! And just like talking to your baby, snuggling with them also helps you to bond though the release of oxytocin in your bodies. [Source]

If you feel like you don’t get to hold and snuggle your baby enough, then consider getting a baby carrier. My husband and I have loved this one (picuted below) because it allows us to shop, clean, and go on walks while having our baby close to us. Both our babies have loved it!

7. Leave work at work.

If you work, make sure you leave your work at work when you come home. (This also applies to school, community service, hobbies, etc.)

Allow yourself to empty your brain of the day’s stresses and tasks, and just be present with your child. Before your walk through the door to your house, think of how excited your are to see your child and put a smile on. It may be difficult, but it will make a difference in bonding with your newborn!

When I was growing up, I remember being so excited to see my dad when he came home from work. My siblings and I would hear his footsteps coming from the garage and we would yell, “Daddy’s home!” He always welcomed us with hugs.

Never once did I hear him complain about work or immediately start talking about the tasks he had to do the next day. This taught me that while work was important, he loved his family more.

You can start sending that message now to your newborn.

You got this!

Being a parent is one of the most important responsibilities that God has given us. And even though it is a lot of work, God also wants us to experience joy in it. So find the joy in raising your child! Cherish these moments you have together because they are not going to last forever.

If you are distracted from your kids, struggling to bond with your child, or are doubting whether it’s worth it to spend time with them, check out my post, Time With Your Kids: Is it Really Worth it?

If you found this helpful or have other tips that help you stay connected to your kiddos, share in the comments below!