How to Involve Your Husband During Pregnancy (As a First Time Mom)

Pregnancy should be an exciting time for both you and your husband! However, men often have a hard time feeling connected to their unborn child and sometimes don’t know how to be involved. Here are ten tips that will help you know how to involve your husband during pregnancy and get him excited for the baby to come.

1. Improve Your Marriage Before Baby Gets Here

Remember that your marriage is the foundation of the family you are building. Therefore, you need to work to keep your relationship alive, healthy, and happy. It will also help your husband to know that even with a little one on the way, you are still thinking about him and want to be with him.

If your marriage is alive, healthy, and happy before baby arrives, then your baby will be welcomed into a loving environment and your marriage will be more likely to thrive in the postpartum period. 

What to do if my husband is distant during pregnancy?

If your husband seems distant during pregnancy, then make an extra effort to reach out and let him open up about his feelings. It may be hard for him to see your body and emotions change so rapidly, so give him some space to feel disappointed or sad. This is just a phase and you will get through it together.

2. Make a Baby Registry Together

Creating a baby registry together is a great way to be on the same page while preparing for the baby to come. It can also help the idea of becoming parents be more of a reality to your husband. 

I loved using Babylist for our registry because it allowed me to add my husband to the account, and it sent him updates. Customers can also buy items from multiple stores with Babylist. Amazon is another great choice for having a simple and diverse baby registry.

What if my husband isn’t interested in adding items to the baby registry?

If your husband would rather let you do all the choosing of baby items on the registry, that is ok. Don’t push him to do something he doesn’t want to do. 

However, if you feel overwhelmed at doing it on your own, then be open and honest about it. Tell your husband you would really like his help or at least his opinion on some items. 

3. Interact with the Baby Together

Sing to, read to, and talk to your baby.

Did you know that your baby can hear your voices and will recognize them after birth? Since the baby is literally everywhere you are, they will no doubt recognize your voice. So take this opportunity to encourage your husband to talk to the baby, sing to the baby, or even read to the baby. It will amaze your husband when the baby is born and recognizes his voice.

While I was pregnant with our daughter, my husband and I sang the same song to her almost every night before going to bed. After she was born, my husband sang the song to her when she started crying and she immediately calmed down! It was so precious to see the connection that was already formed between my husband and daughter.

Help him feel the baby kicking and moving.

Let your husband know when the baby moves, and if possible, help him feel the baby. This is a great chance to help make pregnancy more real for your husband. If he is able to feel the baby kicking, hiccuping, and rolling around, it will likely help him feel more involved in the pregnancy and connected to the baby.

There were many moments where I would be sitting next to my husband and place his hand on my belly when the baby started moving. It was a great way to connect him to me and to our baby. My husband would even play a funny version of tag with the baby where he would gently poke her and wait for her to kick his hand.

4. Take a Birthing Class Together

Taking a birthing class together is a great way to involve your husband in pregnancy and birth! After all, he is becoming a parent just like you and will most likely be at the birth.

My husband and I took a HypnoBirthing class together, and I think it was a great way for my husband to be involved in the pregnancy. It got him excited to help me prepare for birth, and he even advocated for me when we shared with family and friends that I wanted to have a natural birth.

The information we learned from the HypnoBirthing class also helped my husband believe in birth and believe that I could do it. We both went into the birth space well-prepared, and my husband knew how to support me.

5. Read Books about Birth Together

Reading books together is a great way to involve your husband in pregnancy. Many birth classes will have books for you to read. 

My husband would read the Hypnobirthing book out loud while I drove, cleaned, or cooked food. It was a great way for us to be on the same page about what to expect in birth and how to be prepared.

Here are some other informational and engaging pregnancy and birth books you and your husband could read together:

6. Write a Letter To Your Baby

About a week before our daughter was born my husband and I decided to write a letter to her. We opened up a blank page on Google Docs and wrote what came to our minds. The letter included our reflections on the pregnancy, our excitement to meet her, and some silly comments from my goofy husband. It ended up being almost two pages long. 

I loved this activity because it distracted me from the fact that I had reached 40 weeks and the baby was still not here, and it connected me and my husband to each other and our baby.

We plan on giving the letter to our daughter sometime in the future, maybe for a birthday present and when she can comprehend what it says. 

If you choose to do this, my only suggestion is to make it your own. Don’t feel like it has to look a certain way, and have fun! Our letter ended with my husband and I fighting for the last word. (My words were purple and his were red.) The letter can be as silly, tender, serious, or as mushy as you want.

7. Invite Him to Come to Appointments With You

It is so important for your husband to come to prenatal appointments with you. It will help him be aware of what is going on with the pregnancy and advice that your doctor or midwife will give you. And if you are a mama with a forgetful pregnancy brain, it will be super helpful to have your husband there to remind you what the doctor said.

What prenatal appointments should my husband come to?

It probably isn’t realistic for your husband to come to every single prenatal appointment. But there are a few you don’t want him to miss! Make sure your husband also knows that he can ask questions and bring up concerns he may have.

The first appointment (8-12 weeks)

Many doctors and midwives do an ultrasound and heartbeat check for your first appointment. Even though there is not a lot to see, it is still pretty amazing to see the little jelly bean figure moving around. This is a great way for the pregnancy to become more real for your husband.

The gender reveal ultrasound (around 20 weeks)

You may or may not want to know the baby’s gender right away, but it is still pretty amazing to see how much your baby has developed! The person doing the ultrasound will typically check the baby’s body parts, organs, skeletal structure, and heartbeat. You can sometimes even see the heart beating! 

This is a moment that will take your breath away and help you and your husband to be more excited about your little one.

Appointments very close to the estimated due date

It can be nerve-racking for you as you approach the last days of pregnancy. So having your husband by your side at appointments can help you feel better and help him get an idea of how things are progressing. It can also give him a chance to bring up last minute concerns.

Unusual and important appointments

Some people have lab results that come back negative, factors that are in high risk pregnancies, or birth defects. If this is the case for you, then you may have a couple special appointments to discuss these issues with your provider. Bring your husband with you to these so that he can fully understand the issues and what your options are for addressing those issues.

What if my husband can’t make it to any appointments?

If there is a zero percent chance that your husband can come to any of the prenatal appointments, then keep him updated. FaceTime him when possible, and take videos and pictures of ultrasounds. Call him after each appointment to update him, and take notes. 

I have also found it helpful to ask my husband if he has any questions for the midwife that he wants me to ask. I make sure to write them down and then bring the answers back to him.

8. Take Maternity Pictures Together

While maternity pictures are almost always about the baby bump, don’t forget to get some pictures with your husband. He helped make this baby too after all. They will be so fun to look back on and special for your children to see both their parents in the pictures. 

9. Ask Him to Massage, Scratch, or Rub Where Needed

Pregnancy can create discomfort in many areas of the body. To help ease the discomfort and get your husband involved, ask him to help you out. 

You can have your husband use coconut oil, anti-stretch cream, or pregnancy-safe lotion to help with the itches and pains. There are also plenty of essential oils he can use on top of that to help reduce muscle aches, relieve itching, and lessen nausea. 

If you would like to use essential oils but don’t know which ones are best for your symptoms and safe for pregnancy, go here to talk with an expert.

10. Have Him Come to the Baby Shower

 There is no reason your husband can’t come to the baby shower, unless he feels 100% embarrassed to go or has no desire. This is his baby too, so he should also be able to celebrate.

My husband came to the baby shower and was the only man there. He had a blast! I enjoyed having him there too.😊 And the cool thing was that nobody questioned why he was there.

Invite other guys to come.

Who said baby showers are only for women? Mix it up by making it guy-friendly and inviting all your friends, your husband’s friends, and their partners! This will be a great opportunity for friends to congratulate both of you for becoming new parents.

A Few Things to Remember

Remember that each couple is different, so what works for your friends may not work for you and your husband. Do what makes the most sense and what keeps your marriage happy. A happy marriage is the foundation of a happy family.

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