How to Stop Being a Nagging Wife (and Quit Being Annoyed With Your Husband)

It is not uncommon for wives to be dissatisfied with the way their husbands parent or clean. They may feel like they know the needs of the house and their children better than their husband, and therefore they have the right to order him around. 

If you feel like you have this problem and want to stop it, then I’m here to give you a few tips. Here is a simple guide on how to stop being a nagging wife and quit being annoyed with your husband. 

How to Know if You are Nagging Your Husband

Definition of nagging:

To nag means to “annoy or irritate (a person) with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging.”

Examples of nagging could include:

• Asking your husband multiple times before going to bed if he took the garbage out.
• Grudgingly telling your husband to stop being a lazy couch potato and help clean the kitchen.
• Telling your husband he is bad at preparing toddler meals and asking him to start over.
• Reminding your husband to do a simple task and telling him exactly how to do it even though he knows how.

5 signs you are nagging your husband:

1. You ask him to do something more than twice.
2. You focus too much of your attention on your husband’s behavior.
3. You give him instructions on how to do something that he is capable of doing.
4. You criticize or belittle your husband, even if he tried to do it right.
5. You feel like you are the only one who knows how to do things “right” in your relationship.

If you notice any of these signs in your thoughts or behavior, don’t beat yourself up. Many women develop these nagging habits, and it takes work to get rid of them. Let this be a time for you to acknowledge your faults and learn how to stop being a nagging wife.

Why do I Keep Nagging My Husband?

Housework imbalance

Studies have shown that women have and continue to do more unpaid housework than men, even when both partners have a job². This often causes women to be more frustrated with men and can lead to persistent nagging. 

(Want to know how to be a happy stay-at-home mom? Learn how here!)

You know the house and your kids better

If you are a stay-at-home mom, then you may feel superior to your husband in knowing about the needs of your house and your kids. This is totally understandable, yet unacceptable. While you may spend more time at home and with your children, this is no excuse for you to belittle your husband and be his at-home boss. 

Men’s brains work differently than women’s brains

As Mark Gungor explains, men’s brains have a bunch of organized boxes, each with one subject. Men think clearly and do better when they only take one box out at a time and then put it back before getting out another one. If your husband is in the middle of a tv show and you ask him to do the dishes and put the kids to bed, he may forget entirely what he was supposed to do, or only remember one task. 

If this sounds like your husband, recognize that he isn’t trying to ignore you or be disrespectful. You simply caught him at a time when he was focused on something else. 

To prevent shuffling around the “boxes” inside your husband’s brain, tell him that you have an important task for him to do and wait until you have his full attention. Once he is clearly focused on you, then proceed to tell him about the task.

Men are not stupid or careless. They are generally just really good at focusing on one thing at a time rather than multitasking (or multi-thinking), which is something you need to be aware of.

The Effects of Constant Nagging

Constant nagging can have a big effect on your family, especially your husband and your relationship with him. Being aware of the effects of constant nagging can help remind you why it is not a good idea and motivate you to take a different approach and stop being a nagging wife.

Your husband may give up

If you constantly tell your husband what to do and how to do it, he may feel paralyzed and stop taking the initiative to get things done. If he feels like he never does anything right without your guidance, why should he try?

In your eyes, it may seem like he is being lazy and refusing to help. In reality, he is nervous about disappointing you and feels like any effort he makes without your instructions is pointless. 

Lower quality marriage

Studies show that how the wife feels about the balance of household tasks has a larger effect on the marriage than how the husband feels about the balance of household tasks¹. If you keep nagging, you will only feel more annoyed about the balance of chores and worse about your relationship.

To sum it up, it is in large part up to you whether your relationship stays intact when referring to the balance of household tasks! Yes, your husband does play a part too, but it is likely that you are the one who feels more strongly about the subject than he does. Therefore, you need to take the initiative in evaluating your feelings and talking with your husband to resolve those issues.

6 Ways to Stop Being a Nagging Wife

Now that you know if you have a tendency to nag, here are ways you can stop being a nagging wife:

1. Recognize the good things your husband does.

It is often too easy to see the good you do for your family and forget what your husband does. I know I’m guilty of this. I need to remind myself multiple times that without my husband’s efforts, we would not have a house, food on the table, our happy little daughter, or my sanity.  Remembering all the good he does helps me to feel grateful and not be a nagging wife. 

2. Be okay with your husband doing things differently. 

Your husband probably doesn’t do chores the same way you do. If this is the case, then you need to let go of any expectations that he will do chores just like you. (If you need help letting go of unrealistic expectations, read this.)

After my husband and I got married, it annoyed me that he put all the dishes in the sink instead of rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher right away. When I clean the kitchen, I like to put dishes straight into the dishwasher because it saves me from having to do a sink full of dishes. 

I have repeatedly shared this annoyance with my husband, and yet he still likes to put dishes in the sink first when tidying the kitchen. 

Over time, I came to appreciate and accept my husband’s way of cleaning the kitchen. It actually makes sense to me how it could be time-efficient to put all the dishes in the sink before loading them. I also feel better now that I have chosen to accept my husband’s way of cleaning instead of fighting it.

3. Accept that he is not going to parent exactly like you.

When your husband uses a discipline technique you aren’t familiar with or has his own bedtime routine for a child, don’t sweat it! As long as he is not harming your child or forgetting something that is undoubtedly important, then let him do his own thing. He is a parent just like you. And just like you, he has his strengths and weaknesses in parenting. Your child needs each of your unique parenting skills and personalities so that they can have an optimal future.

I often need to remind myself that my husband is going to be a different parent than me. Sometimes he uses a discipline technique that I wouldn’t use, but I do my best to step back and let him parent the way he thinks is best. After all, we are both first time parents and some of his techniques may be better than mine. 

4. Focus on your relationship more than tasks that need to be done.

Your relationship with your husband is more important than having a perfectly organized and clean house. Your relationship with your husband is also more important than your relationship with your kids! If your marriage goes downhill, then so does the quality of life for your children. 

Remember to put more of your energy towards having a happy and strong marriage than making sure your husband is doing everything “right.” If something is bugging you, choose to talk with your husband about solving the problem instead of assuming he is the problem. You are on the same team!

5. Remember that you have faults too.

Remembering my own faults has been a huge help in helping me be less of a nagging wife. When I take a step back and remember that I am not perfect either, I have more compassion for my husband and appreciate the work he does. 

For example, sometimes I become frustrated when my husband goes on his phone in the middle of dinner or doing chores. When I remember all the times I have been distracted by my phone, I am able to relax a little and be less judgmental. 

6. Don’t remind your husband to do things he will probably remember.

One day I was about to remind my husband to change our daughter’s diaper before putting her to bed. Thankfully, I caught myself and remembered that he knows how to take care of our daughter. He knows her needs, and that is something he likely would not forget.

If you constantly remind your husband to do something he will probably do anyway, then quit reminding him! He is a capable adult who can accomplish tasks without you nagging him. The more you remind him, the less your husband will feel trusted and the more you will feel like you have to nag him to get stuff done. That sounds like a bad deal for both of you!

What if My Husband Needs Me to Nag Him to Get Stuff Done?

There is a difference between nagging and reminding. Nagging is annoying, problem-centered, repetitive, often ineffective, and doesn’t take into consideration the other person’s needs. On the other hand, reminding is gentle, respectful, and much more effective. 

Talk to your husband about whether he needs reminders and what he needs them for. He may want you to remind him to help out with certain tasks that he tends to forget about. That’s ok! The key is to communicate what each of your needs are and then come to an agreement on how to meet those needs. 

You Got This!

I know it is much easier said than done to stop nagging your husband. But remembering how much you love him will help you to make those changes.

If you want more ideas on how to have a better marriage, subscribe to my email list or email me with questions at nicole@familyrealityandjoy.com.

References

1. https://journals.sagepub.com
2. https://www.jstor.org/stable/