How to Have a Stress Free Potty Training Experience (tips for parents)

Potty training can be a nightmare for a parent. It can cause tears and stress-filled days for both the parent and the child. However, this does not have to be the case. 

Having a stress free potty training experience does not mean that it won’t stretch you and your child or that it will be a short journey. You will need to keep your emotions in check and be very patient. However, it is possible to potty train without pulling your hair out, yelling at your child, and crying yourself to sleep.

Here are seven toilet training tips to help you get through the experience without an abundant amount of stress. 

1. Choose the potty training method that works for you and your child.

There are so many potty training methods out there, and some of them contradict each other. (You can read about different potty training methods here.) The key is to do what you feel is best for your child and your family right now.

Examples of Potty Training Methods

1) Elimination Communication

Elimination communication (aka EC) is learning your child’s signs that they need to go potty and teaching them when they can go. This involves observing their potty habits and signaling to them when they are on the toilet so they know they can go pee or poo. (Many parents will signal with the “psss” sound to help their child pee or a grunting noise to help them poo.)

Elimination communication is for babies and children 0-18 months old. Many parents who participate do part-time EC, meaning their children may wear diapers and the parents only offer the potty a few times a day.

2) Oh, Crap! Potty Training

Oh, Crap! Potty Training, by Jamie Glowacki helps parents tackle the ins and outs of potty training. Glowacki recommends potty training between 20 and 30 months. She helps you know whether your child is ready for potty training, how to avoid power struggles, what to do about nighttime potty training, and much more!

Glowacki overall helps you realize your child is much more capable than you may believe and helps you to have realistic expectations for your potty training experience.

3) Potty Training in 3 Days

Some parents like the idea of getting potty training done rigorously and quickly. While they won’t be accident free by the end of 3 days, it can be a good option if this is your style and you want to say good-bye to diapers ASAP.

Potty Training in 3 Days, by Brandi Brucks is an easy read and gives you a 5-step plan on how to get through the 3 days. This can be done with toddlers 1-3 years old.

4) Gradual Potty Training

Gradual potty training starts whenever you are ready. The earlier you start (preferably as a baby), likely the smoother a transition potty training will be. It is very similar to part-time EC.

You put your child on the toilet at a consistent time each day (for example, during a diaper change) and give them the opportunity to go in the toilet. If they don’t need to go, no big deal. If they do, then you just saved yourself a diaper change.

Eventually you increase the number of times you sit your child on the potty until they go more in the toilet and don’t need diapers/pull-ups anymore!

I love how how Kristin from With Quiet Hands explains how she did gradual potty training. You can check out her article here!

How we Chose a Potty Training Method

I heard about elimination communication when our first daughter was about 5 months old. When I told my husband, we got excited about it and bought Andrea Olson’s book, Go Diaper Free after listening to her free Easy Start with EC Class. We loved the idea of teaching our baby at such a young age how to use the toilet, and we really wanted to save money on diapers. 

After taking a break from EC and then trying the hybrid plan outlined in Go Diaper Free, we decided it was time to finish up with full-time potty training. I looked up different methods for potty training at or younger than 18 months, and ended up listening to the Go Diaper Free podcast and the Oh Crap! Potty Training podcast. 

Instead of buying any more books, I took what I learned from the Go Diaper Free book and the podcasts, applied what I thought would be helpful, and left the rest behind. I also went against some of the guidance that I was given from these resources when I felt something else was better.

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2. Know that you will have your own potty training timeline.

Everyone has their own idea of when it is best to potty train. Some people start at birth with elimination communication while others prefer to potty train when the child can speak in sentences. Whatever you decide, make sure you and your family feel good about it. 

Our Potty Training Timeline

Here is what our potty training timeline looked like for our first daughter:

1. Part-time EC starting at 6 months old
2. Took a break from EC between 11 and 14 months old and let her go potty in her diaper 24/7
3. Started a hybrid of EC and potty training at 14 months old
4. Day-time potty training between 16 months and 2 years old where she wore training pants almost all day
5. Gradual potty training for nighttime between 18 months and 3 years old
6. At 3 years old, she rarely has accidents and can tell us when she needs to go potty but still needs reminders

Here is what our potty training timeline looks like for our second daughter so far:

1. Part-time EC starting at 2 weeks old
2. At a year old, goes pee/poo in the potty 0-4 times per day and wears diapers
3. For the future: we will probably put her in pull-ups around 18 months and do gradual potty training

Accept that your potty training timeline will look different

Our potty training timeline has been unique for each daughter, our family situations, and each stage of life we were in. I have heard many voices saying to potty train in one way or another, and ultimately my husband and I have had to decide. There were pieces of advice we chose to take and others we left behind. 

Your potty training timeline for your child will probably look completely different than our’s. And that’s okay. The key to stress free potty training is to not let your friends, parents, neighbors, your babysitter, or anyone else decide how or when you will do it. It is up to you and your family.

3. Let go of unrealistic expectations.

There are too many unrealistic expectations that many parents have when potty training. Here are some expectations you may need to change:

a) The number of accidents your child is going to have

There are going to be A LOT of accidents. And some of them will be on the carpet. Once you accept that fact, the less stressed you will be. If your child had no accidents, they would not learn anything about their body and neither would you.

b) When or how often your child will tell you they need to use the toilet

Many parents assume that once their child is toilet trained, they will say when they need to go every time. This is not true. You may still need to remind your child to go to avoid accidents before they start communicating their needs.

Jamie Glowacki jokingly reminds us in her podcast that she even needs to remind her teenage son to use the bathroom occasionally.

c) How long it will take before they “get it”

How long it takes before a child finally gets it is different for each kid. It will depend on how stressed or relaxed you are when potty training, how quickly the child is able and willing to learn a new skill, how old your child is, and the environment in your life and home. 

When I decided to not have a deadline for when our daughter needed to be potty-trained, it helped potty training to be more stress free. You have permission to take it one day at a time.

4. Make it easy to go potty.

If you are having too many accidents or are getting tired of putting your child on the potty, then help your child have better access to the potty. This could mean getting a step stool, a toilet training seat with a step stool ladder (such as this one ), or a mini potty that sits on the ground (like this one).

Potty training will be less stressful if you don’t have to lift your kid every time they have to go and if they can access the potty on their own.

5. Have fun and connect with your child.

The first few days of potty training can feel exhausting, stressful, and hopeless. Decide that this will be a fun time so that you can experience stress free potty training.

Focus on connecting with your child and enhancing your relationship rather than disciplining them. Play with your child, watch fun movies, bake cookies, and reward yourselves for all the effort you’ve put into potty training.

While potty training can be difficult, choose to see it as an opportunity to spend time with your child and get to know them more. It is very similar to teaching them to walk, feed themselves, dress themselves, and play with toys.

While they (and you) will make mistakes, it can be a rewarding adventure for both of you.

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6. Don’t lose faith in your child.

There will probably be a day (or week or month) where you feel like it is a never-ending battle to get your child to go potty. When this happens, notice how far you have come and don’t lose hope. 

Your child has made so much progress, even if it is just going from peeing in a diaper to telling you when they have peed their underwear. They are learning a lot from you.

Remember that this is often a nonlinear process. There will be easy days and hard days, but the hard days will slowly decrease over time.

7. Pray for strength and help.

Does God actually care if you have a stress free potty training experience? Of course He does! He also knows you and your child better than you do, so ask Him for help and advice.

I received lots of peace and great ideas when praying to my Father in Heaven for strength and for help while potty training. I know He played (and continues to play) a huge part in helping us get through this milestone together.

8. Let go of other chores and tasks for a few days.

Remember the pile of dishes that ends up in the sink every evening? Eliminate that chore by using paper plates instead for a few days.

Do all you can to get rid of chores or tasks that could add stress to the potty training. This could only be for a few days and it will make potty training much more relaxing.

9. “What should I do about potty training resistance?”

Potty training resistance can be the most emotionally challenging part of the potty training process. Here are a few ways to handle it while still experiencing stress free potty training.

a) Remember that potty training resistance is normal

If your child is resisting using the potty, don’t freak out. This is a normal and often expected part of the process, no matter what potty training method you use. Potty resistance could mean several things:

• Your child is seeking more independence.
• Your child is trying to control what they can, and part of that is choosing when to pee or poo.
• Your child is feeling too much pressure or stress coming from you or others.
• Your child doesn’t want to give up the comfort and security of eliminating in their diaper. 
• The potty seems big and scary.
• There has been a big life change, such as moving to a new home, a new baby, etc.

Be accepting of resistance and just keep being as consistent as you can. Reassure the child that you are there for them and that you love them.

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b) Give your child more independence

Your child may be resisting the potty because they don’t want or need as much of your help. Offer them more independence by teaching them simple things that they can do on their own. I recommend teaching one task at a time until they have it down. Some of these could include:

• Washing and/or drying their hands
• Pulling their pants up and down
• Flushing the potty
• Wiping (or letting them wipe once before you finish wiping)
• Putting toilet paper in the potty

Helping your child learn new skills that are connected to the potty process can help the experience be more exciting and empowering for them. Likewise, it will be more of a stress free potty training experience for you! 

c) Take a break

If you feel totally overwhelmed for days and it is affecting the progress of your child, then consider taking a break from potty training. Oh Crap! Potty Training recommends only one potty break (aka reset), as it can be confusing for the child if you take too many breaks and lose consistency. 

Go Diaper Free suggests that “potty pauses” can be very beneficial to the parent and the child. It can help relieve stress and provide both of you the energy and determination you need to get back into potty training once the “potty pause” is over.

d) Experiment with receptacles, back-ups, and the environment

The Go Diaper Free book suggests that if a child is resistant to the potty, then you may need to change the receptacle, back-up, or the environment. Experiment with the different options you have to learn what will help your child feel secure and comfortable.

Receptacle

The receptacle is what your child pees or poops in. 

Your child may need something that is smaller, is more comfortable, or allows them to put their feet in a secure place. It may also help to let them pee in the bathtub for a while or on the bathroom floor until they are used to going in the bathroom.

Back-up

A back-up is whatever is directly touching your child’s bum. It could be a diaper, pants (without underwear), a dress, underwear, training pants (we love these ones), or nothing. 

Make sure that your child is wearing whatever helps them to signal their need to go potty and feel comfortable. Try different back-ups and see what helps your child make the most progress and be less resistant.

Environment

The environment is the area and atmosphere where your child potties. This includes the bathroom (or wherever the potty is) and your attitude and emotions you have when your child goes potty. 

Changing the environment could include going to a bigger bathroom, putting the potty in the living room where it is easily accessible, or letting go of your own stress and fear around potty training.

You Got This!

I know this guide won’t guarantee that you don’t experience negative emotions during potty training. It will still be an up and down journey, but it will help the bad days not be as bad.

Keep your sights focused on what your child is becoming and how much they have progressed. And make sure to congratulate yourself! This is a huge milestone for you as a parent and is no easy task to undertake.

Now go experience your own version of stress free potty training!

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