What to Talk About With Your Husband (when all your conversations seem boring)
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After being married for so many years, it may feel difficult to know what to talk about with your husband. Conversations seem routine and only about the necessities of life. And while you would love to talk with your husband about something other than business, you already know him so well that there’s not much else to talk about.
Do you find yourself feeling this way? Do you long for those conversations that lasted hours when you were dating and could talk about anything?
If you are longing for more meaningful conversations with your husband, I am here to provide some juicy questions and conversation topics to help you keep getting to know him and get him talking. Have fun with these ideas and enjoy the interesting conversations that may come up!
(Disclaimer: This may not apply to you if you have been married for 50 years or longer, but feel free to try it and let me know!)
What to Talk About With Your Husband When You Think You Know Everything About Him
1. What are his goals and dreams?
Do you know what your husband’s life goals and dreams are? Or do you just assume you know what they are? Even if he has told you before, ask him again! His answers may have changed.
Understanding and supporting your spouse’s dreams can tell you a lot about the person and is a good indicator that you have a good relationship. Marriage expert Dr. John Gottman says that supporting your spouse’s dreams can also help you to reduce conflict in your relationship. (You can learn more about the it here.)
If you want to take your marriage to the next level, I highly recommend checking out Dr. Gottman’s books! (Below are some excellent choices.)
2. Discuss views on current affairs.
Talk about topics with your husband that may be difficult to discuss such as politics, religion, and what is going on in the world. What is happening in those areas that are of concern to you two and what does he think about them?
As he shares his beliefs and ideas, remember these very important to do the following:
- Listen. That means that he is doing most of the talking and you are fully engaged in what he is saying.
- Don’t judge. Even if you don’t agree with what he says, show that you at least understand by validating his thoughts. If you can’t possibly understand why he would think that way, ask questions and listen until you do. Help him know you are a safe space and he can talk to you about controversial ideas.
If you need help understanding your husband and his views, then go here for some great advice.
3. “What’s one thing I don’t know about you?”
This is a question I love to ask my husband, especially during boring car rides. No matter how well I think I know him, there is always a story he can come up with that I’ve never heard before.
After your husband tells his story or random fact, ask follow up questions! How old was he? Why did this happen? What else happened around that time?
4. Talk about his childhood.
A person’s childhood tells a lot about who they are and why they are who they are, according to psychologytoday.com. It is also a determining factor in the kind of parent and spouse they will be in the years to come.
Ask your husband questions about how his parents raised him, what he liked to do as a kid, who his friends were, etc. If you can, find out about his birth and what he was like as a newborn. Answering these questions will help you know and connect with your husband on a deeper level.
5. Ask him what he thinks about the intimacy in your relationship.
When you talk about your relationship’s intimacy with your husband, make sure it comes from a place of non-judgement. If you think you know what he would say or believe that your intimacy is not doing well, then try not to show those feelings. You are asking this question to learn what he thinks. Be respectful and use active listening and validation.
After he is done and it is clear to him that you understand what he thinks, then feel free to share your side. Try to find common ground if you have opposing views.
For example, if one of you wants more sex while the other wants less, recongize that neither of you want sex to disappear altogether and you still long for connection. Finding that common ground will help you know how to deal with any issues.
You can find more tips on dealing with attachment differences and varying levels of intimate desires here.
6. Ask in detail about a typical day when you aren’t together.
What does he do at work? Although you may know how your husband spends his day, you can never know exactly what that looks like. Ask him in detail what he does on his way to work, what his work routine is like, who he talks with, what he eats, what his favorite and least favorite parts of the day are, etc.
Side note: Make sure he knows that you aren’t suspicious about the way he spends his life, but are purely curious.
7. “If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?”
This is a great way to get to know your husband better because it tells you something about his priorities and his ideal life. Ask him why he would change that thing and how it would make his life better.
This question could also be used to get birthday or Christmas present ideas for the future!
How do I Start a Conversation with My Husband Meaningfully?
Now that you have a list full of ideas on what to talk about with your husband, you may be concerned about how to start the conversation. How will your husband know you want to have a meaningful conversation and not just ask him the usual everyday questions? Here are three suggestions that will help you start a conversation with your husband meaningfully.
1. Make sure it is the right time.
If he just got home from work and needs some time to clear his head, then give him that space. Men have a harder time mentally jumping from one event or subject to the next, so make sure he is in a good mental space to talk.
2. Be upfront with your husband.
Tell him openly that you want to have a meaningful conversation. Let him know that you would like to get to know him more and that you want to listen to everything he has to say. This is especially important if long and meaningful conversations have not been typical in your relationship lately.
3. Clear away any distractions.
Put your phone aside so your husband knows you actually want to talk and hear what he has to say. Make sure the kids or any pets are occupied and are not in need of immediate attention.
Plan of Action
Now that you know what to talk about with your husband and how to start a meaningful conversation, make a plan right now on what your next step is. Write it down somewhere so you don’t forget.
Your plan may be to ask him one meaningful question on the way to the grocery store. Or maybe you plan to write down a few conversation topics and take them with you on your next date. Whatever it is, write it down and make a plan to do it!
Now go and enjoy talking with your husband again!
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