Why Marriage Isn’t Easy (for wives and moms)
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Most people know that marriage isn’t easy. But no matter how many times you’ve heard someone say it, it can feel unreal to be living with the man of your dreams and wonder if marriage really is worth it.
If you are wondering why marriage is not as easy as you thought it would be, then you are in the right place. It is true that marriage is hard, but working to make your marriage work is definitely worth it.
In this blog post, you’ll learn why marriage isn’t easy, solutions to the hard things in marriage, and reasons marriage is worth it.
Is it Normal for Marriage to be Hard?
Yes.
Even if you are deeply in love.
Even if you feel like you’re soulmates.
Even if you know you will never get divorced or yell at each other.
Even if everything in your life is perfect.
Marriage will still be hard.
Marriage is not easy, it never was easy, and it will never be easy, at least not in this life.
Why Marriage Isn’t Easy as a Wife and Mom
1) You are caring for more than just yourself
After we had our second baby I was overwhelmed by negative thoughts and feelings about my husband, Chase. I was horrified that I could think such things and be so angry at him.
I eventually learned that when I am giving up sleep, exercise, mental power, and emotional energy to care for my kids, I am more likely to be annoyed.
Solution:
a) Make sure you meet your needs
It is so important as a mom and wife that you eat/drink healthy, get fresh air regularly, get enough sleep, and have some time to yourself.
When I make sure to meet my needs, then I am better able to push away the negative thoughts and appreciate my husband more. Chase and I recently started scheduling alone time for us individually, and it has made a huge difference in our marriage! Our marriage still isn’t easy, but it is easier and happier.
2) Hormones
In case you haven’t noticed, hormones can really mess with how you feel. Pregnancy, the postpartum period, menstrual cycles, and menopause can all affect your thoughts about your husband. They can also leave you even more deprived of your needs, making it harder to care for your kids and even harder to think positive about your husband.
Solutions:
a) Educate yourself
It’s important to understand how your body works. Educate yourself about the effect of pregnancy and postpartum on hormonal balance, and learn about your personal menstrual cycle. If you are approaching menopause, seek advice from professionals and friends on how to get through it.
Learning about your body will not make the mood swings go away. However, you will feel more at peace and be better equipped to take each challenge on.
b) Give yourself some grace and some space
I’m not saying that hormones make it okay to lash out at your husband; just give yourself some grace and space when you are going through hormonal mood swings.
Be kind to yourself and make time to relax and give yourself what you need. If you need to have the TV babysit in order for this to happen, then that’s okay!
3) The great things in life are not meant to be easy
You have probably heard the saying that marriage is hard but worth it. It is absolutely true! And it is the same with all other wonderful things in life.
The best relationships we have are often ones that have seen hardships, conflict, and resolution. Without the conflict in marriage, it is no more than a happy, surface-level relationship. There needs to be opportunities for growth so that you can grow closer together as a couple.
Solutions:
a) Don’t take the easy way out
Whether it’s divorce or just avoiding conflict, the easy way out usually doesn’t lead to more growth and happiness. Choose to take the hard road that will lead to a stronger and more beautiful marriage with your husband.
Strive to accept challenges as opportunities to grow closer as a couple. Have the end goal in mind, which is to create a strong and lasting relationship with your husband. You don’t have to be perfect today, just work on one step at a time together.
b) Pray for strength
Prayer is another amazing tool that can help you feel God’s power in your relationship when your marriage is not easy. Ask God to give you strength to keep going if you are tempted to give up, and ask Him to show you the good in your husband and yourself.
4) The honeymoon phase ends
The honeymoon phase makes it seem like marriage is in fact very easy and your husband is perfect. However, the honeymoon phase always ends.
Soon after we got married, I remember thinking how crazy it was that married couples fought over little things so often. I thought marriage was so easy and I laughed at my husband’s quirks and thought he was the best in the world.
After almost five years of marriage, I can now say from firsthand experience that marriage is not easy. We have passed through the honeymoon phase and see more of our flaws than before.
As your starry eyes disappear and you begin to see your husband in a less filtered light, it becomes easier to pick out his flaws. You may feel more annoyed and wonder if you knew who you married.
You might also like: The First Stage of Love: What it is and Why it’s Necessary
Solution:
a) Learn about the second stage of marriage and how to approach it
The second stage of marriage involves disagreeing more and discovering each other’s flaws. This can be very uncomfortable, but it is also healthy!
In order to have a lasting marriage, you need to learn to love your husband, even knowing his weaknesses. You cannot fully love someone without knowing the depths of their good and bad sides.
So view the second stage of marriage as an opportunity to grow more as an individual and as a couple. Learn how to deal with disagreements and how to communicate effectively in a kind way.
You might also like: The Second Stage of Love: How to Deal with Disagreements
5) Your expectations are not always met.
Your expectations have the potential to make your marriage miserable. You will likely be disappointed if you expect your husband to come home from work and thrilled to relieve you of all household chores.
Expectations within the bedroom, regarding in-laws, how to parent, and what your roles are as mom and dad can also hurt your marriage.
Solution:
a) Let go of unrealistic expectations
Your expectations for your marriage need to be realistic and talked through with your husband. Make sure you are both on the same page, and be willing to change your expectations if needed.
I have found that I need to change my expectations in order to make marriage easier and happier.
You might also like: How to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations
Marriage is hard but worth it! Here’s why it’s worth it:
1) Eternal families
As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I believe that marriage and family can last forever.
The thought of being together with God, my husband, and my kids fills me with immense joy and hope. Even though marriage isn’t easy, it’s worth it knowing that we can share the relationship we are building forever.
2) Secure home for the kids
Kids thrive much more when they live in a home with married and committed parents [source]. It teaches them how to have a secure attachment style and gives them a sense of security.
3) One-of-a-kind intimate relationship with your husband
If you do it right, you will never know anyone better than you do your spouse. After being married nearly 5 years, my husband knows things about me that even my parents never knew.
There comes a special type of intimacy with knowing someone more deeply than anyone else. And with that intimacy can come a strong trust and love between you and your husband, something that neither of you share with anyone else.
Even though my husband and I have had struggles in our relationship, it is one of the most fulfilling relationships I have ever had. And I know from experience that hardship and struggle can make a marriage stronger and more intimate, if you let it.
4) Potential for individual and couple growth
Marriage has the potential to stretch you in ways that no other relationship can. Although it isn’t painless, you can find yourself to be more patient, sympathetic, compassionate, and strong than if you had never married.
Together, my husband and I have accomplished and become more than if we were single. We have grown together spiritually, financially, physically, and emotionally from striving to be unified as a couple even when marriage isn’t easy.
I am so grateful for the growth I have had from being married to Chase and allowing God to help me learn and grow.
Marriage is not easy, but you can do it!
Marriage is not easy, especially when you are raising children. You have lots of demands that make it hard for your needs to be met, you have to deal with fluctuating hormones, and you have to face the end of the honeymoon phase.
However, there are solutions to these problems. Talk to your husband, reach out to professionals and friends, and pray to God for guidance on how to tackle these challenges. Depending on how you handle your challenges, you can come out of them a better wife and a better person.
And even though marriage is hard, it’s worth it! It’s worth it when you know that this relationship could last forever. It’s worth it when you know that you’re providing a secure environment for your children. It’s worth it when you know that you can have a one-of-a-kind relationship that you can only experience with your husband. And it’s worth it when you remember that marriage (and God) can make you a better person than you ever could be on your own.
I hope you have come away from this article feeling empowered as a wife. Now go and take on life’s next challenge with your husband as a team!