Why Men Need Space (and how wives can help!)

A few months ago, my husband graciously agreed to watch our two girls a couple times a week so that I could have regular alone time. Since having regular alone time, I have felt emotionally and spiritually filled and have become a better mother and wife.

Shortly after I started my alone time routine each week, my husband said that he was feeling emotionally drained. He wondered if alone time would help him too. 

I was shocked that he hadn’t openly asked me for his own alone time earlier! I assumed that he had the alone time he needed since he loved his job and was away from us all day doing work he loved.

Now we schedule 3-4 hours each Friday where my husband can spend time by himself doing whatever he wants. He is more emotionally filled since we started this, and he has been able to develop some hobbies he enjoys.

In this article, I’ll explain why men need space from family and work and what you as a wife can do to help meet his needs. You’ll also find some ideas on what your husband can do for his time alone. 

Why Do Men Need Space?

Does your husband often seem emotionally or physically tired? Does he feel unfulfilled with his life? Does your husband retreat from you and/or the kids from time to time? 

If you have noticed any of the above about your husband, then he probably needs some regular alone time. Here are some reasons why men need space from work and family.

1) Men need space to connect with their inner selves.

It’s hard for men to connect with themselves when there is a job to go to, chores to be done, children to take care of, and a wife to tend to. It is so much easier for him to hear his inner voice and learn about himself when he has responsibilities lifted temporarily. 

“Men are evolutionarily wired to need solitude. It is where we find peace, quiet, solace, and a connection to the soul.”

THEESSENTIALMAN.NET

2) Men are better husbands and dads when they have time to be alone.

When your husband’s emotional needs are met, he can have more emotional energy to be present with you and your kids. 

When my husband has alone time, he is more willing to play with the kids, spend time with me, and help out around the house. We are a happier family when he has his space to be alone.

So if you notice your husband portraying avoidant behavior toward you or the kids, he may just need some regular scheduled alone time. Once it is scheduled, you may find he retreats less!

You might also like: How to Respond to Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles in Marriage

3) Men need time alone to connect with God.

It can be tricky to feel God’s presence or the whispers of the Holy Ghost in the chaos of life. When your husband has a break from all those things, it can be a great opportunity for him to connect with His Father in heaven. 

Even Jesus needed a break from all the crowd of people needing Him and His teachings (Luke 5:16). He often went away to spend time alone with God and came back ready to serve again.

4) Men need space to have fun or to just do nothing.

Many men crave space to enjoy themselves and get lost in a hobby, or to just think about nothing. And that’s okay!

“Most of us men, from time to time, need a place to go to be free of the demands of life. To be unburdened. To relax into nothingness. We need some spaciousness in our days.”

THEESSENTIALMAN.NET

How to Give Your Husband the Space he Needs

It is often hard for men to recognize their personal emotional needs. Many husbands and fathers are so focused on providing for their families, doing chores, taking care of the yard, and paying bills that they forget their own needs. 

Here are a few ways you can be your husband’s hero by giving him the space he needs to be alone: 

1) Notice if he seems to be feeling off from his norm.

Is your husband looking tired, depressed, emotionally drained, or struggling to be present? Notice if he isn’t feeling great and gently point it out to him. Sometimes it takes another pair of eyes for a man to realize he isn’t feeling good and needs space.

2) Ask him how he is feeling.

Do this in a kind, non-judgemental tone. The point of asking is to get him to pause and look inward at what his real emotions are. Listen without interrupting, then reflect back what he said to you to make sure you understand. 

3) Ask him what his emotional needs are.

Once your husband can tell you how he feels, then he can better detect what his needs are. Listen as he tells you what he needs. Again, no interrupting!

4) Give him the space to have alone time.

Tell him to go do whatever he wants (within reason) for a specified amount of time while you take care of things at home. (And remember, HE gets to choose what he does, not you.)

5) Schedule regular alone time for your husband.

Schedule a regular time every day or every week for your husband to have time to himself. Put it in your calendar and treat it like an appointment. Don’t bother your husband while he has his alone time. If something comes up that conflicts with his alone time, see if you can reschedule his alone time.

This post will also help you better understand your husband’s need for space: How to Understand Your Partner

Alone Time Ideas for Busy Husbands and Fathers

It might be hard for your husband to come up with alone time ideas for himself. Below are a few suggestions you could give him to get him started.

The key is to let him choose what to do. It needs to be something he will enjoy and leave him feeling refreshed after it’s over.

1) Go to a Temple, Church, or another place of worship

Spending time in a place of worship can be a great way for a guy to spend his alone time.

When my husband volunteered at the Temple (of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) every week, I noticed he was overall happier. He was able to fill his spiritual and emotional cup through service and I could tell he enjoyed it.

2) Pray and study the scriptures

Prayer and scripture study is a great way to feel closer to God, and that is usually easier to do alone. 

3) Exercise

Bike, run, lift weights, swim, do yoga, go indoor rock climbing, etc. 

4) Hike or a walk

5) Fish or hunt

Yes it is cliche, but it’s great for men to get out in nature together and have that bonding experience with nature and/or each other.

6) Hang out with guy friends

Just because it is called “alone time” doesn’t mean he has to be alone! Sometimes the best way to refresh his mind is to be with his buddies. 

7) Nap

Napping can be a great way for your guy to spend alone time. Just remember to make it an uninterrupted nap!

8) Video/computer games

While some wives might not like the idea of their husband spending time playing on the computer, it can be a great activity! As long as he keeps to the time limit of his alone time and doesn’t develop addictive behavior, it can be a great stress outlet and a way to escape from his world temporarily. 

9) Complete tasks for work

While not every man will want to spend his alone time doing work, my husband loves it! He likes working from home during his alone time because he can get tasks done without being interrupted at work.

10) Go out to eat alone

Going out to eat by himself may be just what your husband needs for alone time. No kids, no conversations, no interruptions. Just him and his food.

11) Watch a movie

12) Read or listen to a book or podcast

13) Work in the yard

14) Do a service project or volunteer work

If your husband is an extravert, then serving or volunteering might be especially refreshing for him.

15) Go on a drive

If driving meets your man’s need for space, then encourage him to take the long way home. Or maybe he just needs to get out of the house and go on a 30 minute drive to feel refreshed. Whatever works for him!

Trust me, the cost in gas will be worth it if it helps your husband be happier and more present at home.

You Can Support Your Man in his Need for Space!

So if you ever wonder why your man sometimes seems emotionally drained or distant, he might just need some space from family and work each week. 

“Why do guys need alone time?” Well, between work, chores, and family duties, it’s easy for them to lose touch with themselves. But giving them space to recharge isn’t just a luxury—it’s essential for their mental health and our relationship happiness.

So, next time your man seems off, gently nudge him to take some solo time. Encourage him to pursue his hobbies, hang out with friends, or just relax. Trust me, he’ll come back feeling refreshed and ready to be the awesome husband and dad you know he is!