Mom Burnout: Signs, Recovery, and Prevention Tips

I curled up in a ball in my closet and sobbed. It all felt like too much.

The needy kids.
The sink smelling like bad milk.
The tiny clothes littering the carpet.
My own hunger and fatigue.

This wasn’t the first time I was here crying in my closet. Nor would it be the last. Mom burnout seemed eager to have a meeting with me on a regular basis.

And honestly, I still have those meetings. But I’ve gained a few pearls of wisdom that have helped me deal with them. I hope they can help you too.

What is Mom Burnout?

Mom burnout is a state of being emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted as a result of all the demands that come from motherhood and lack of self-care.

Mom Burnout Signs

It may be hard to recognize mommy burnout in the moment. Here is a list of mom burnout signs that can help you figure out whether you may be at your breaking point.

1) You ran out of sympathy

Lack of sympathy is a big burnout sign for me. There have been a few times where I unintentionally hurt one of my kids and honestly, I didn’t care at the moment. Even though this may be a “bad mom” moment, I have learned that it is more a reflection of my needs not being met rather than a reflection of how I’m doing as a mom. 

When I get easily frustrated and don’t care much about how my kids are feeling, I know that’s a sign I’m running low on self-care and am on the verge of burnout. 

2) Excessive imaginations

When I’m running low on self-care and the demands of motherhood are overwhelming, my imagination runs wild – in the wrong direction. Here are a few of real-life fantasies I’ve had while in mom burnout mode:

• Breaking a window
• Throwing glass on concrete
• Punishing my children
• Harming myself
• Smashing anything smash-able
• Punching a hole in the wall like the Hulk
• Throwing everything in the garbage that is not put away

I’m not proud of any of these fantastical imaginations. But I’ve learned that they don’t define me. I rarely act on them and I know they are more like a symptom of illness rather than proof I’m a bad mom. 

If you find your imagination going in a scary direction, you are probably in mom burnout mode.

You might also enjoy: 11 Signs You’re a Good Mom (even if you don’t think so)

3) Everything feels wrong

When I’m burnt out, nothing seems right. There are too many toys on the floor, too many dishes in the sink, not enough snacks in the pantry, clothes that don’t fit right, and children that are too needy. My head feels like it’s spinning from all the disorder and chaos and overstimulation. 

4) Everything feels hard

On top of everything feeling wrong, it also feels too hard to fix it all. Making the grocery list, wiping off the table, and getting another bandaid for a non-bleeding owie all feels like too much.

Even though everything needs to be done, I have no motivation or desire to do it.

5) Can’t make simple decisions

Spaghetti or stir fry? Darks or whites? Turn on a show or go outside? To the museum or the library?

I DON’T KNOW! 

When I’m out of mommy-fuel, any decision feels like I’m running through syrup. Exhausting, messy, and slow.

You might also enjoy: Mom Anger Management Tips

Mom Burnout Recovery Tips

When you are in true emergency mom-burnout mode, you need a quick fix that will take less than 32 seconds to come up with. 

 With a little help from AI, I came up with this acronym that should help you:

• S- Step Away
• A- Allow Feelings
• F- Faith
• E- Enjoy one thing

Let me dissect SAFE for you. 

S-  STEP AWAY

Step away from the needy children, the to-do list, the mess. Just get out and be alone if possible. 

When I feel like a ticking time bomb that is about to go off (or has already gone off), I know that’s my cue to STEP AWAY (or run away if it’s really bad). 

Here are some places I’ve used to STEP AWAY:

• My closet
• The bathroom (with the door locked)
• The sidewalk
• My bed
• The trampoline in our backyard (especially when it’s a warm starry night 🤩)

A- ALLOW FEELINGS

It’s too easy to stuff your feelings in the “we’ll figure out where this goes later” drawer. You don’t want to upset the kids or your hubby, and you might feel like your feelings are invalid or will go away after you get a good meal.

I’ve felt all those things.

But as Sven teaches Kristoff, your feelings are real and need to be felt and acknowledged. 

So do whatever it is you need to do to ALLOW FEELINGS to flow (as long as it’s legal and has no lasting negative consequences). This could include:

• Crying
• Sobbing uncontrollably (yes, this is different from just crying)
• Screaming into a pillow (or into the air)
• Ripping up unimportant paper
• Moaning in frustration
• Repeating, “Why, why why, why…”
• Writing down every single negative emotion you are feeling

Now remember, you are not with your kids at this time because you have stepped away.  So you can feel free to ALLOW all the feelings you have trapped inside to come spilling out. 

Empty out that drawer of feelings and let them be what they are. 

I guarantee, you will be a step closer towards a refilled-mom.

F- FAITH

After letting your feelings flow, you now have space to express FAITH. The best way to do this is by talking to God. He knows and loves us so deeply and individually, and He will help you when you are in mom burnout mode. 

Sometimes it is hard to hear or feel what God is trying to tell me when I’m in the middle of feeling burnt out. However, after I let myself cry or scream or whatever it is I need to do to allow the feelings, I pray and feel Him there. 

Here’s an example of a prayer you can use if it’s hard to find the words:

Mom Burnout Prayer:
Heavenly Father, life feels hard right now. 
I feel so angry and frustrated and hopeless. 
I don’t want to be like this all the time. 
Please help me to get through this moment so I can be the mom my kids need me to be.
Give me the strength of Jesus and send angels to lift me up.
Fill me with Thy Spirit so I can be calm and wise and joyful. 
I love You and thank You for being there for me always.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

It always amazes me how praying to my Father in Heaven and feeling His encouragement from the Holy Ghost strengthens me beyond what I thought I could do. I know He can do that for you too. 

E- ENJOY ONE THING

Pick one thing you ENJOY that will refill you. 

What do you need to get one step closer to having a smile on your face? A shower? A snack? A nap? A movie? A gratitude list?

Whatever will help you, do that one thing. It may need to be simplified due to children needing you, but you need you too. 

So prioritize yourself in this moment as much as possible. I give you permission to treat it like an emergency, because it is one.

If you’d like a quick reminder of this framework on your phone, you can download the SAFE wallpaper here. Once it opens, tap “File -> Make a copy” to save your own editable version.

How to Prevent Mom Burnout in the Future

No one likes being an explosion of a mom, so let’s talk about how to prevent it. Here are a few things that help me:

1) Put God first

When you put God first, all other things will fall into place. 

What this could look like:

• Scheduling your scripture study time
• Locking yourself in your room for 5 minutes to pray outloud
• Praying with your family
• Attending Church services
• Going to the Temple

Jesus and God are our strength. So we can’t afford to skimp out on Them.

You might also enjoy: Self Love Exercises for Christian Moms

2) Do things that make you happy every day

Laura Doyle says that every woman should make a list of 20 things she loves doing just for the sake of being happy. Then plan to do 3 of those things every day. 

I may not be exact about the numbers, but when I do this, I feel so much happier and less likely to be a burnt out mom. Here are a few I enjoy doing:

• Scripture study
• Exercising
• Getting outside
• Listening to an audiobook, podcast, or talk
• Playing with my kids while letting everything else go
• Time alone with my husband
• Spending time with a friend

And if you haven’t read or listened to Laura Doyle’s book, The Empowered Wife, I HIGHLY recommend it! It should honestly be a requirement for all moms and wives. You will discover the secrets to being more ridiculously happy than you could have dreamed possible!

3) Take needed medication or supplements

Medicine and supplements are there to help us when we need extra help. And raising children is definitely a time when extra help is needed. 

I’ve been using a supplement called L-Theanine. When I feel the stress or overwhelm start to rise, I take one capsule and I feel calmer almost instantly. It creates a buffer between the starting-to-be-stressed me and the explosive, burnt-out me.

If you’d like to try L-Theanine, you can find it here. (Just consult with a health care provider first.)

4) Eat when you’re hungry, sleep when you’re tired

Many mom burnouts can be prevented just by eating and sleeping enough. 

Way easier said than done, right?! 

All I can say is PRIORITIZE YOUR NEEDS. Obviously don’t neglect your children. But if feeding yourself first will stop you from being an overly stressed mama, then feed yourself first. If a little extra screen time will get you some needed shut-eye, then USE THE SCREENS!

Do I need to remind you of the airplane oxygen mask analogy?

5) Schedule Alone Time

Plan out when you can spend some time alone. When you have some guaranteed alone time, you will feel less frantic and more peaceful.

Each mama deserves to have time to herself. Not only will you be happier, but you will have more to give to your children when you are with them again.

You might also enjoy: Mommy “Me Time” Ideas: When and Why to Have Alone Time

6) Receive Help

Being a mom is hard, and so when someone offers help, receive it! When they ask how you are doing, be honest. If you have someone you trust with your kids or your house, reach out.

You don’t have to do this alone. The people around us are God’s loving hands getting us through the tough parts of life.

You Can Do This, Mama!

Mom burnout is inevitable and real. But so is your strength and perseverance. God has got you, so hold onto Him and you will go further in motherhood than you currently imagine.